Thank you for the laughter and the tears, tonight was healing.
It’s interesting how for a few years there, I really loathed being around other chicks. Boredom quickly set in during conversations, the estrogen made me want to grow a pair and then chop them off, and the automatic need to restrain my eye-rolling at certain female-esque attributes led me to momentary episodes of uncontrollable eye twitching. Damn, I almost forgot about those times! It’s been many moons since I last went through that phase of figuring out who my true friends are, and that feels pretty damn good – it’s a blessing. I have really grown to appreciate female company because of all you strong ladies. It is so important to be surrounded by like-minded individuals, and I have and will always appreciate the revelations that we have experienced together, along with all the memories we have created. It a beautiful thing to have created such synergy with you all, to have been able to participate in the act of helping each other grow, and allowing for you to help me grow… always devotedly pushing each other to be the best beings we can be, believing in each other. There’s so much love between us that that shit can never be knocked down, no matter what life throws at us.
After our chill sesh tonight, I realized that despite how hard things are right now, how “emotionable” (jessica simpson voice) shit is, I am still so happy, and here is a huge factor why: We are all following our own hearts desires, and this is all I want for all of us, what I want the most. This isn’t the last time change will interfere, and when it does, our individual experiences will only help shape each other even more, not just ourselves. I have so much faith in our relationships that even if this was the last time we saw each other (God forbid), I will still be left with a string of happy memories, and that is enough for me. Being there for each other does not depend on distance – feeling joy and gratitude for each other can still be felt just as strongly 3000 miles away. Near or far it really don’t matter at all.. I got your back like chiroprac-tic, and I know you got mine.
Always and Forever with more love than any of us can imagine,
*Disclaimer: Don’t mind me, Im just in a glass case of emotion right now, but Im still good. I Write to feel Alright.
Changes. I feel it in me, all around me, and in all of you. I think the natural reaction to transformation is to try to resist it, no matter how excited you are, only because we like to feel safe. For me though, it’s hard to stay still amidst all these tornados of change all around me, all of us spinning at various speeds, sometimes running into each other and then shooting out into 2 different directions, spinning uncontrollably, sometimes gently nudging into each other, in the same direction, spinning together. I want to reach out, but I don’t want to intervene. I want to anchor it all for you, but I am only capable of being a lighthouse. I want to fix it and kiss it all better, but my past has taught me that it only works when you heal yourself. I want to stand still with you, but I feel stuck when I do. I want to be a part of it all, but my soul is nudging me out. I want to retreat, but my past won’t allow me to. I want to go back, but it’s too late. I want to spill my guts, but it doesn’t feel like the right time. I want to put my time and energy into this, but I know I need to conserve. It’s really fucking hard.
I miss the time when leisure was on our side, even though it was merely a few weeks ago when this phase was my life. I miss curbside chilling. I miss the random drives. I miss vibing. I miss NY. I miss just sitting on the balcony, staring out into our beautiful Alberta sky, thinking about all the possibilities and dreaming about it all from a distance. Now that it’s all moving forward into action, I feel lost, tumbling into the unknown with not a familiar face in sight, not an empathetic face in sight. I miss it all and Im not even gone yet. Im trying really fucking hard to stay in the present.
This isn’t the first time change has been thrust upon us, why is this time any different than any time in the past? Where are you when I need you the most? I don’t love you because I need you, I need you because I love you. I need you to be in the present with me, I need your positive reinforcement, I need your support. I need you to be strong. I need you to be who I love you for. I need you to see it from my perspective.
“What am I doin? What am I doin?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin me
I’m doin me
I’m livin life right now, mayne
And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over…..”
This is life staring at me straight in the face, daring me to keep pushing no matter how it feels. Don’t get it twisted, I know this is an amazing and exciting opportunity, and this is something I want and need to do… but it doesn’t take away the underlying emotions that take place behind the scenes, the shit that nobody warns anybody about.
“I know things have changed
Know I used to be around more
But you should miss a little when I’m gone
I just hope that you miss me a little when I’m gone, gone”
“The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.”
- Carl Jung
Another great weekend full of love and beauty. It was my dear friend Joni’s wedding! It was a huge honor to be apart of the wedding party, to be supporting this union based on absolute love. And love was definitely in abundance throughout the day along with appreciation and sheer joy. Everybody was in high spirits and there was this positive energy that just couldn’t be shaken off – Ask anybody who attended their wedding and they will tell you the same thing! What made it so, is because everything had meaning, and was meaningful. I love you guys, congrats once again!!! xoxo
Today after the “post-wedding brunch”, I got the chance to catch up with another dear friend Anne. We are not deeply involved in each other’s lives, but every time we do get together it always has – you guessed it – meaning. We walked through the ravine in our hood for a bit, then sat on a fallen log and just talked for 2.5 hours. Nothing tickles me pink more than a good in-depth conversation.. that shit is rare these days.
I am thankful I made the decision to completely jam pack my last 2 weeks here in Edmonton, because not only will I be leaving on a good note, but it is only filled with people who matter, people who bring meaning to my life. <3
I would say Dan most likely was “that guy” at the wedding *snicker*
Sorry I haven’t gotten the chance to do this yet – but I would like to extend some appreciation from my goodbye party on the 11th. It was one of the best nights I’ve had – so good that I wish I could bottle it up and take a sip of it each time I need a pick-me-up haha.
Thank you to The Common for the DOPE hospitality (as usual)..It ain’t a party without poppin some champagne, and boy did we ever! Love you guys, gonna miss you all fo sho.
Thank you to Timone, RoRo, Jud & Millhouse for droppin nothin but flava – You kept the party bumpin’! Don’t think I didn’t notice all the Tribe you played! Proud to be the last man standing on the dance floor haha. I have always found what was missing in Edmonton through you guys (musically wise), keep grindin’! Etown needs you. xoxo
Thank you to all of YOU who came out and vibed with me.. Seriously, it means so much. Every time I just stopped and took a moment to “smell the roses”, I would look around and see all of your beautiful faces smiling, laughing, dancing and just enjoying yourselves… which is what I highly hoped for! Seeing you happy, makes me happy Having you all in one room together reminded me just how blessed I am to have such genuinely GOOD people in my life. Not only have you guys made living in Edmonton bearable, but each one of you have added meaning to my life – real talk! I love you all from the bottom of my heart, and I will miss Edmonton sorely… only because it houses some of the best people I’ve had the pleasure of coming across – You! Nothing but Love.
“A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.”
“I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.”
” A lil’ nugget dug up from the beat archives of The Kid set to footage from the Bronx and other locations in NYC in 1980. Music produced by The Kid. Edited by the masters at Young and Balding. Video clips taken from “Elevated Stations”. “