This Flashback Monday is dedicated to Nathan Matthews.)
02.13.10. Nb00000t! Do you remember this song? Makes me laugh just thinking about it! You have touched so many people’s lives just by being your authentic dope self. I’ll always remember our fun convos, and us being “positive lights for each other”. I could always talk to you about anything, and I really felt like we did haha. I connected to you the moment we talked about Tribe. I knew you loved them in the exact same way I do.. and because of that I knew you had a perception of life like no other. We didn’t really talk that much the last couple of years, but I really felt like I knew your soul, and knew you were there no matter what. I’ll never forget the rob0t board you designed that had “shu” in the model #.. even though you accidentally sent the wrong design to production, it still makes me smile cuz it’s the thought that counts (and laugh cuz that’s such a nathan thing to do haha)! We hung out the day I lost my job, your concerned eyes and happy smile made me feel better in a span of seconds. You were there for me when I went through my break up.. and your positive words made me feel like a million bucks. I remember you saying you missed everybody in Edmonton when you first moved to Vancouver.. it makes me happy that you continued to push past that uncomfortable time and made a happy life for yourself (and Nicole!).. Im not exactly sure the reason for being in each other’s lives, but Im so grateful that you were in mine. Your beautiful soul, eternal optimism and genuine happiness will continue to be that positive light for me, and for others. RIP Nb0t. xoxo
SO quick note: The big King Pin of the company I work for challenged us to raise $100,000.00 to donate to Haiti. We surpassed our goal by 19.69%… DAMN SON! This is the company’s second donation. Hella proud to be working for such a positive and influential company, amazing people in abundance.
“We are contained in each other. Therefore I can understand and accept anyone as myself.”
Im slowly but surely learning to not let the Highs N Lows of life get the most of me, trying to rise above it. So far, I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job.. but for some reason, the pettiest of things will still get to me. You know, the stuff you hear people say about you.. or witnessing how your loved ones react to certain things.. or finding out stuff that doesn’t apply to you but for some reason it really affects you. Basically shit that is comparable to scum underneath your toilet seat… and it takes all the strength from your head to your toes to not choke a bitch. You know it’s petty to even put any kind of strength into that thought, but you do anyway. And it bothers you that it bothers you, which bugs the hell outta you! Damn.
Something like 80% of our thoughts are recycled, only 20% are new. So it only makes sense that we are constantly “fighting ourselves”. What we choose to focus on creates our reality. Our thoughts are hella powerful you know… so if you are only thinkin bad thoughts, it’s a wonder why your circumstances are so negative. Obviously it’s not a good idea to just dismiss negative thoughts, you still gotta deal with ‘em so that you can make room for the good thoughts (and cuz unaddressed issues will just keep comin back like <insert rude but funny simile>). Here are some ways that help me cope:
- Accepting my own feelings even if is a bit embarassing.
- Taking responsibility. For my emotions, actions, Me. You just can’t listen to what everybody says to you. No matter how much someone loves you, they are still not you.. they can offer their advice, but at the end of the day you decide for yourself what is right for you.. if all fails, it’s on you.. not them. The blame game never did anybody any good. In the same way, you definitely can’t listen to the haters. What they say, think and feel is their responsibility, not yours.
- Knowing that our actions are based on our emotions.. so it’s ultra important to be conscious of them at all times. Ask yourself “why”? All the answers to your questions are within you.. you just need to be honest with yourself. Just as it’s important to be conscious of your internal thoughts, you gotta be conscious of how you “deal” with the outside world, your external environment. Choose your words carefully, watch your body language. People will interpret as they see fit.. so just be aware of yourself, and for yourself. Keep it real son! (sorry just had to throw that in there)
- Understanding that the feelings that surface can just be that – surface. There’s a difference between your “reaction” feelings and how you really feel. Those “reaction” feelings are totally based on our past experiences. Just because something similar happened in the past, doesn’t mean it’s going to pan out in the exact same way. There’s so many things in this world that we don’t know, and there’s so many things in this world that we don’t know we don’t know. That is why we can’t judge at face value.. When we are hurt, our poor little bruised ego will try and find ways to make ourselves feel better because we don’t like the state we are in, and we as humans are trained to think that if we find a solution – any solution – to our problems, we will feel better.. and in that moment we just want to feel better. And man, ego will dig into your old past experiences to try and do just that.. but in reality it’s just a defense mechanism.. it doesn’t actually solve what you are REALLY feeling.. another reason to ask yourself “why” all the time.
- Knowing that we are essentially the same. Same emotions, different mind & body. If we all share the emotions, and our emotions determine our actions.. then that means what differentiates us from each other is how we respond (mind). As long as we learn from our experiences, those choices we make to how to respond will improve.. and that’s all we can only try and do.
- Kind of the same as the previous point, but I think it’s just as important point to have it’s own line haha: We always have a choice. We are constantly making choices at all times, whether we realize it or not. It’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s how we choose to respond… and how you react has it’s consequences. Always think of how your current choice may affect the long run.
- I have learned that we don’t always have to fix things right then and there.. sometimes we just have to let it be. If an opportunity shall arise, then by all means do what you gotta do.. but don’t go out of your way to fix every single little issue in your life.. that just causes more headache for yourself.
People learn and grow at their own rate.. When faced with petty issues, trying to understand where they are coming from always makes it easier to deal with. So personally, knowing these things and having this outlook allows me to refrain from judging people, and has made more room for understanding people and encompassing compassion. Choosing to be conscious at all times, is hard.. but when you know you handled things correctly, you will feel a sense of empowerment. You are not only doing good, but you are bettering yourself as you make small changes in perception… and on top of everything else, you are standing up for yourself, and taking care of yourself. So cmon, pull a Luda and “Use your brain homie, do the right thaaang!”
Well, I thank thee folks to reading my post. It was therapeutic to write this all out, and I feel a trillion times better.
“Forget about New York people—they know me. But all over the world, people talk to me like they’ve had a conversation with me before . . . Wherever I am, I don’t feel disconnected. It’s really this weird, warm feeling.”
This is why I love Jay-Z so much. Not cuz he’s the best lyricist out there, or cuz he’s been around consistantly for 20ish years.. or cuz he’s a business, man! It’s his attitude. His view on life. I can always relate to him.. even though I was brought up in an entirely different environment. No wonder he’s been in my dreams haha (hush). I really do feel like if I saw him down the street I could stop him and just say waddup. Regardless if he’s becoming too “commercial, or if he’s a Free Mason, no judgement.. justeezy got nuttin but love jigga haha.